This Shopper is No Mystery

In my list of "interesting occupations I might like to do for a month or so, independent of how much they pay" I've got "Mystery Shopper." I will likely never be a Mystery Shopper, but I may be able to be the next best thing: a person who puts their complaints on the Internet for the entire world to read. Well, providing that they find my discourse.

Today, is the day my consumer-fury will rain down on the corporations that often for reasons that have nothing to do with personal choice, have wormed their way into my everyday life. Here is a synopsis (because I do care about your mental health and wouldn't wish the full, word-by-word account on anyone) of a recent "problem resolution." I will put these under the proper corporation heading, so you can scroll down to your personal favorite.

SBC Ameritech: Despite the fancy-dancy television commercials that constantly interrupt some of my favorite TV shows, this company almost (I've got to build some suspense) tops the list of "Corporations that Drive Me Crazy."

1) A few months ago, I call SBC Ameritech to remove "unlimited residential service" from a spare phone line used only occassionally to send faxes. This smart move is aimed at saving me less than ten dollars a month. The lady is nice and says she will set it all up. At the same time I order "unlimited long distance" for $30 a month on my phone line.

2) I receive a phone bill and the service was not reduced on my fax line. I also find that the "unlimited long distance" on my lines does not include faxes to England, which I previously received with my long distance carrier, ZoneLD, for about 6 cents a minute. I decide SBC's unlimited long distance is not a good idea for me, and choose to return to ZoneLD. I think this will be easy. I am an optimist.

3) I call SBC and reach a person who cannot understand anything to do with my order, cannot pull up the info on the computer screen, sounds like she's 10 years old, has a supervisor standing by that isn't helping, and finally puts me on hold for 15 minutes while she searches for a fax number, which I have requested in a desperate attempt to just submit my complaint in writing. I hang up and call another SBC customer service number. The same thing happens. Later that day, I learn that SBC workers are on strike and "this may affect customer service." I take a nice drive in the countryside and thank God I don't work for SBC.

4) A few days later, I call back. Everything in #3 is repeated. WHILE ON HOLD, I go online and submit the request there using their customer service form. I hope for the best.

5)I call SBC, again, to make sure they received my form. I review everything in #1, #2, and #3. Keep in mind that getting to the part where "I review everything..." requires entering into the key pad my phone number, ZIP code, and then verifying my address and declining participating in their stupid customer service survey. I repeat all this same information to the person who answers the phone. I am re-routed to another department, and, to a young man who takes my information and promises to call me back. He calls back and gets my voice mail. I call him back and get his voice mail. He calls me back and gets my voice mail. I call back and talk to someone else. Finally, it seems my fax line service is changed as I like and I am saving about $9 a month.

6) My unlimited long distance service is also removed. They will not, however, refund the one month of "unlimited residential service" on my fax line that I had asked a month earlier to be removed. They have no record of my removing it. They tell me I should have kept the e-mail. I point out to them that I didn't send an e-mail, I filled out their customer service form on their Website, and didn't have a copy of it. I asked them why they have that form there, if you can't submit information there pertaining to your account. They seem not to understand what is on their website.

7) I receive a letter from SBC verifying the reduction in charges for my fax line, yet there is a new charge for "Individual Message Residence: $2.21". I have no idea what this is. I call in, they explain it to me. Don't ask me what it is as I do not remember.

8) I sign up online to renew my long distance services with ZoneLD, but am unable to add in my fax line: "there is a problem with the line." I send two e-mails. I decide to call. Their phone number, as shown online ends with "ZoneLD." I look at my phone, there is no "Z" showing on the keypad. I am debating if the "9/WXY" would be the one to press or the "0." I decide to send an e-mail.

9) I receive an e-mail from ZoneLD confirming my e-mail to them. I receive no further e-mails resolving the problem. My fax will not dial long distance.

10) I call SBC Ameritech and they explain that as they have removed themselves as my LD carrier, there is no LD provider, but for $3 a month they will put their name back on as my LD provider. I decline.

11) I go to ZoneLD's site again, and this time am holding the cordless handset of a different phone in the house. Eureka! It has "Z" on the keypad, next to the "9/WXY". I now know what number to call. I call the number and get voice mail. But, hooray, they actually call me back and promise to resolve the problem and get my fax line signed up, but it will take a few days.

12) In the meantime, when I want to make faxes, I switch the phone cord between my voice phone and my fax line. Keeping up?

13) This morning, I received a call from SBC asking me if I would like to purchase their long distance plan for $30 a month. I said no.

ZoneLD: This is a nice company, their LD service is $0.039 per minute, and they seem to be easy to deal with...I have no complaints about them.

Sprint PCS: Oh my God! Where to start... They are my number one least favorite company. I haven't had to talk with them for ten months, but I am not yet over the trauma of dealing with this company. Let's just say, Nothing is free or clear. When my plan expires in September I am running from them like a bad case of shingles. Every person on earth I talk to has had the same negative experience. Again, their innovative marketing campaign has nothing to do with the reality of dealing with their customer service, which almost caused me to throw my cell phone out the window, or perhaps to my small dog to use as a chew toy. I've always felt it's not healthy to have hatred toward another person, but might I make an exception for a corporate identity?

infoseek: Beware the company that operates with automatic renewals. When a charge for $146 appeared on my bank statement, I discovered my marketing plan had automatically renewed, though I never sign up for that service and was not forewarned. I e-mailed the company, and a nice guy e-mailed me back, sent a fax and agreed to refund the entire amount. I submitted the proper paperwork. Nothing happened. I sent nice guy an e-mail, then another. Then another fax. And, hooray, days later, a refund. Since infoseek refunded my money with less than 10 e-mails, with no phone calls and in a matter of two weeks time, they are on my "okay to do business with" list.

Interview Magazine For some reason this magazine comes to my house every month. I don't read it. I don't have time. I look on it to see when the subscription expires. January 2005. I think "Ah ha! Someone has automatically renewed something and I'm going to catch them at it!" I call the magazine. They have nothing to do with the subscription, it is handled by another company. I call them. They tell me, yes, it's true, the subscription was renewed last December. "How much was charged to me for that?" I ask, ready to do battle.

"Well, it was free, there was no charge. A special promotion..."
"And there will be no automatic renewal?"
"No automatic renewal."

Ah well, I live to mystery shop another day....