Hopelessly Devoted: The Reagans

Amid the many pages of eulogy, analysis, commentary, and photographs . . . between the computer-generated graphic cutaway of the Capitol and the black-and-white photo of a young Reagan with his football buddies . . . beyond the words of Tim Russert, Larry King, Katie Couric, Peter Jennings, et. al . . . there is one photograph of Ronald and Nancy Reagan that I absolutely love. You may have seen it. Taken at the "Western White House" it shows the couple standing face to face, embracing and (of course) gazing and smiling into each other's eyes. Cowboy hats, jeans, a gingham shirt for her, and denim one for him, they are at the pond on their property, a canoe christened "TRULUV" nearby. What a great picture. Obviously, posed for the camera, but I am just sentimental enough to like it anyway.

I'm not a Reagan afficionado; I'm not even a Republican. When Reagan was president, I was a stay-at-home mom with two active pre-school children and a host of pressing worries. My memories of world news at that time are few: the assassination attempt on Reagan, the Challenger disintegrating before my eyes on the television screen as I ironed (every word in that phrase is important!), and "Ollie" North's testimony before Congress, well, just his swearing in part and a few highlights. So, I'll leave the analysis to the more knowledegable and the sophisticated.

But, as the song goes "I know something about love!" and every picture of this first couple is embedded with devotion, with links going back to a thousand public and private moments the public could never truly understand. Unless, perhaps, they were fortunate to share a similar coupling. (It's hard not to contrast that with the famous shot of President Clinton, Hillary, and Chelsea walking across the lawn after his on-air confession, or the often-noted habit of President Nixon to treat his wife as if she did not exist.)

Seeing photos of the Reagans reminds me of the myth of popular sentiments, phrases I have heard and (forgive me) even used a few times in my 30 years of adult life. Here they are, not in any particular order:

* It's not true that "men cannot communicate." Reagan's letters to his wife clearly demonstrated that he knew how to share his deepest feelings. Any person would be blessed to have such a partner.

* It's not true that "second marriages don't work out." Theirs did.

* It's not true that "nice guys finish last." By all accounts it seems that Reagan was a kind person, with an ability to hold a strong opinion but allow that others might understandably differ. He was able to be decisive yet agreeable, a helpful quality in life and a good time to use the adjective "disarming." His manner and charisma were dis-arming. Worth thinking about at this time in history . . .

*It's not true that "love doesn't last." Love does last. It lasts between parents, friends, partners, and children and their parents. It lasts beyond death, beyond war, beyond politics, beyond poverty, and sometimes, beyond wealth, power and success.

"TRULUV" is not Brittany Spears, J. Lo, or applicable to any other celebrity in PEOPLE magazine under the age of 35, as far as I'm concerned. Judgmental? Yes. I happen to believe it is okay to make judgments. People use the word judgmental when they don't agree with your opinions. I've fought being wishy-washy my whole life and now embrace being older, wearing purple and being willing to create discomfort.

TRULUV is Ronald and Nancy Reagan, Christopher and Dana Reeves, and Greg and Lauren Manning. It's the couple together for fifty-plus years, or 20 for that matter. It's commitment, romance, sparks, and shared secrets. Sex and family and work and illness. War and peace and presents and beauty. Death cannot take it away. When they see it, others want it, too. It's something worth having.

I guess the surprising thing is the amount of attention being given to the Reagans love affair. As if it were so rare. Not so! All across the world, in towns and cities and farmland and desert and rainforest and island ... there are people who love each other, who gaze into each other's eyes, who mourn the loss of each other. But we don't hear about them much.

Today, while others commemorate President Reagan's life, I'm going to remember my parents, married for 49 years when Dad died; my mother and Joe (in their eighties and in love for almost a decade now) and the other kinds of love as well that weaves its gentle and comforting way through my life.

Take heart. There is love "out there." It's worth hoping for and worth having. Nancy and Ronald Reagan remind us of that.